this is like my personal diary. i want (mostly) daily entries here until i have more to put on this site !! it won't be interesting but i'll at least keep the habit lmao
JANUARY 21ST 6:53
things are still hard. i cannot tell anyone what i'm going through but i need to move despite it. today has been good so far at least because i finally opened deresute (aka my favorite thing) for the first time in a long while today. it made me happy and motivated me to at least enjoy things again !!! i know it's such a small thing but i've been so down that i do nothing i enjoy. now i'm watching a show with my husband and getting back into manga / anime full swing. guitar has been alright lately too. i think i'll be better overall now, i just need to be able to drag myself out of bed. sadly it's harder when my husband always gets me to come back,,,,, but i will use this newfound positivity to help him too. i did it before so i can do it again. haha you can really tell i'm like a loyal dog based off this website. i'm just a sucker that loves life itself.
DECEMBER 19 2024 5:48PM
FINALLY BACK !! of course my laptop suddenly died when i finally syarted becoming more consistent with this thing. laptop is still dead but i was given an old ipad so i'm back :DDD so much has changed since writing this but i didn't cause i fell back into old habits waaaa. but now i have garageband and a guitar so i need to focus !!! if not for myself, then for my husband. btw i got married since being offline ;3
MARCH 09 2024 12:32PM
haha i am still here and wanting to use this website, my life just got uprooted again. who knew you could get evicted twice in one year ? nothing feels like a safe home right now...any feeling i have is kind of nonexistent but i'm sure i just need to settle in mentally. even though life has not given me a break, i will keep pushing forward and do my best to accomplish what i want to do. even though i miss where i used to live, i won't miss the constant judgement of my old roommate. i think i can learn to breathe here, despite not being able to live as myself at home. at least i know i'm a man no matter what.
FEB 10 2024 1:54PM
i ended up skipping a couple days cause i got distracted admittedly. i never used my computer much until recently (it's kinda been collecting dust) but i 100% see the appeal now that i have. on the bright side, i think the time i'm spending on it is productive!! i've spent most my time researching html and sound synthesis :DDD right now i'm messing around on VocaDb while blasted. is it the most productive thing ? not really but i'm enjoying myself for the first time in a while at least !!
FEB 07 2024 ?????
i don't know how to rlly start. today wasn't great since i was shaking with nerves for most of it but i at least started seriously working on this. i think logging what i'm doing on a day-to-day basis will motivate me to do stuff. reflecting every day is important and now that i can reflect mentally, i hate myself. noticing that is a step so time to stop being scared and start living because for the first time in my life, being alive means something