this is like my personal diary. i want (mostly) daily entries here until i have more to put on this site !! it won't be interesting but i'll at least keep the habit lmao
DECEMBER 19 2024 5:48PM
FINALLY BACK !! of course my laptop suddenly died when i finally syarted becoming more consistent with this thing. laptop is still dead but i was given an old ipad so i'm back :DDD so much has changed since writing this but i didn't cause i fell back into old habits waaaa. but now i have garageband and a guitar so i need to focus !!! if not for myself, then for my husband. btw i got married since being offline ;3
MARCH 09 2024 12:32PM
haha i am still here and wanting to use this website, my life just got uprooted again. who knew you could get evicted twice in one year ? nothing feels like a safe home right now. thankfully my boyfriend's dad let us escape the car living fate, but i have to lie about who i am. i feel terrible for stanley (my cat) but he's by my side chilling right now :DDD any feeling i have is kind of nonexistent but i'm sure i just need to settle in mentally. even though life has not given me a break, i will keep pushing forward and do my best to accomplish what i want to do. even though i miss where i used to live, i won't miss the constant judgement of my old roommate. i think i can learn to breathe here, despite not being able to live as myself at home. at least i know i'm a man no matter what.
FEB 10 2024 1:54PM
i ended up skipping a couple days cause i got distracted admittedly. i never used my computer much until recently (it's kinda been collecting dust) but i 100% see the appeal now that i have. on the bright side, i think the time i'm spending on it is productive!! i've spent most my time researching html and sound synthesis :DDD right now i'm messing around on VocaDb while blasted. is it the most productive thing ? not really but i'm enjoying myself for the first time in a while at least !!
FEB 07 2024 ?????
i don't know how to rlly start. today wasn't great since i was shaking with nerves for most of it but i at least started seriously working on this. i think logging what i'm doing on a day-to-day basis will motivate me to do stuff. reflecting every day is important and now that i can reflect mentally, i hate myself. noticing that is a step so time to stop being scared and start living because for the first time in my life, being alive means something